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July 26 on my mind i guesssame shyt different days..
my life's a vantage point...everybody gat a different take
give or take
bottom line is some folk just live to hate
but i dont hate em back matter fact i appreciate
cuz thanks to that i use em to give me strength
meditate to the most high n elevate
wit no high..no medicate
just rise above..levitate
n wit so many chips to make
i cant just sit n wait
i lift the weight..placed on me by affiliates
who cudnt make it...so i take em wit me as i accelerate
might hear them down me..but words wont penetrate
success is the best way to devastate..any who negate
no reply..no debate
no remorse no rebate
im bout to marry the hustle..i set a date
to see my state change..
like u.s exchange rates
i maintain faith...
to sustain fate
so when the rain breaks..
im straight
December 04 ????what am i provin..
evrytime i feel i hit a groove..i end up losin
situations rarely improvin
runnins as fast as i can ..but feel like i aint movin
when u look at the consequences that u in
from unplanned movements..that leaves ya chance ruined
to make things right n u think back on life..like what if i neva knew this
its useless..cuz evrything is for a reason ..reason bein it's inevitable to not do shyt
n almost impossible to redo it..after you blew it
just another scar u grew wit..
impactin it's influence on future resolutions
long as u dont misconstrue..problem wit solution
then the solution aint a problem..its a cue
to rise above what you used to do..
so life dont seem suspended as it do..
whenever mistakes repeat ..defeat is sickening..so wisdom peaks relief..like thera-flu
guess shyt aint as bad as think..who knew? September 04 hustle 07understand..just listen
im tryna position myself..into a man's definition
driven..by ambition..wit no brakes..
so little room for mistakes..i might suffocate
but..this is how i'll find out who am i
consumed by pride..forced to push feelinz to the side
it's do or die...to stop is suicide
so i hustle push claw..no flaw just pace n stride
caught in this rush..heart beat speed up
cant fall behind..have to keep up
street up..sqaud up...stock up
no time to die or get locked up
so im evry where dey wont see me
no envy..im emotionally empty
not jealous..i dont watch fellas
dey watch me..tryna copy but cud neva do betta
i run thru cheddar..das y i gatta make more
cuz i wanna live better
so in a year maybe more
i aint just an employee..im entrepreneur
from nassau to ports..
andros resort...
no bills so chill..beachfront fa sure
acres..wit no neighbors wake up to shores
highly favoured..dreamers dream
i materialize my thoughts
so i guess that makes me a boss?..of course
same dude who used to walk from court to court
now keyless entry unlocks his doors
neva satisfied..what's yours is yours
i need mine..i need time to 1 to 4
turn 4 to 14..
tryna show em what "this is why im hot" means
ahhhhhhhh....................
August 04 defensivesittin reminiscin as my mind replays over life
feelins shift..seems as if things can change overnight
livin with the regrets....tho i have let em go
some things i cant forget...n they sting to the soul
gat me watchin my steps...cant fall in the same holes
same eyes..just different views of the way things go
it'll be so easy if i lose control..
get lost on a moment..soothe my soul
but everytime i do..i review the old
preview whats to come..then pride takes hold
n when my ego's swole...there's no reachin me
the thing that beats in me...drops to degrees so cold
n detach myself from anything i own..or anyone i may have known
so many paths to take..but im a pave my own
till my name's engraved in stone..
all i cud do is pray i aint wrong........
June 08 to be finishedi try to be different..but who am i kiddin
some things never change...it's in my veins
strange..how quickly feelins shift
from bein so into u..to not bein into shyt
n i dont mean to be so in-con-sid-e-rate
but that's how it is...not so much deliberate
but i dont feel the same way i did..say a month on in
now im lookin back at what i did
played gipetto..from the get go..
u was spose to be a puppet..wit no strings attached..but u wont let go
so i cant fight u..just let time fly by..
till u lose that eye..n ya view gets clearer
cuz u knew i lied..but didnt want hear it
so u knew this time..was close n comin
but u was still there by my side..
tho u cudnt see me half the time
n i wish i cud explain this.. February 13 ???uh
life's a struggle but i love it
live it n learn from it...
seen ppl walk in it..walk from it..over dumbshyt
seen my hopes rise...nosedive n plummet
yet i survive..regain stride n overcome it
still gat some pride..but i cant run from it
pain?..im numb from it
so now i avoid fake's n just hustle
like today's my last..cuz tommorow aint promised
while savin my harvest in case rainy days come in
dont hate dont lie...live n die trustin
in those who trust me ..only the real stay humble
it's hard to love when u been deepfried from it
n we try n try..but we grow tired of it
so i dried my cries ..retired from it
cuz only those willin to sacrifice gain a life of it
the rest simply detest the likes of it
reminiscin the strife n fights that came from it
cuz they werent self-less ..just too selfish to rise above it
n im layed back for a while..thinkin why i'd done it
to accelerate me...livin with regrets..the backstabs penetrate me
so i cut off the deadweight..accept that folks will hate me
jus cuz of the fact they cant pre-meditate me...
cant understand..cant regenerate me
all they cud do is try n push my buttons..till they detonate me
i kno i dont control my own fate
but the decisions leadin up to it that i can say
tryna make so when the Lord comes..i cant stay
chant praise
jus blaze December 04 cant stopit hurts me thinkin of ya kiss
tryna live wit da fact i cant see u knowin it didnt start like this
my biggest crush..with the slickest touch
gat me sittin up wonderin y we'd eva give it up
used to live it up..u'd neva get rid of me
now things different huh..u str8 up sick of me
n i cant stay mad..play bad..
cuz full well u onnna da best eva ray had
n tho we on seperate paths..
i still believe in u..neva regret that
good times i'll neva forget that
but now im at a point i just gatta step back
let u do ya thing..n i dont believe in sumthin returnin
so im burnin...cuz once a good thing gets lost..its rarely eva returnin
n u may not eva think of me the same way
but end of the day..there was neva games played
got caught up in the wrong things..n gave way
allowin the opportunity to take place...
where u'd lose trust in me n our feelinz wud change pace
believe me when i say..it wasnt me that day
wish i cud say who..but maybe it was spose to be that way
listenin to friends.."oh yeah girl he that way"
knowin i was tru..neva did i stray
but when u started pushin me away..
i flipped cudnt see that straight....
wishin i cud hold u ...just see that face
those eyes..that smile..that'll be so great
if i cud re-iterate what time deleted..cleaned n erased
u might forget about us but i kno i aint cuz...
i cant get u off my mind..
tho i kno u aint mine..im so hooked on ya style
n whatever i do..i cant find another u
so i guess i gatta take this n smile
yeah..i made mistakes
still payin for em to this day
when sorry aint enuff...n "i miss u" is overplayed
n we misuse trust..cuz feelinz are overlayed
by anger n pain..n feelin so betrayed
but not all the time we see the portrait as portrayed
n it's so easy to leave..we'd forgetten y we stayed
y we believed ....just got more rotten as the days...
passed on...this will forever last on..specially knowin i been replaced
but this what i allowed to happen..cuz i let u lose faith
thinkin u was unfaithful when u aint
livin up to "their perception..but i saw evrything i want in ya face
n i cant take anything back....so physically i gatta let u go
but emotionally i cant..cz i feel for u more than u'd eva kno
real talk
problemtalkin to myself in third person
uh..he takes responsiblity for his.. it's on him
still tryna figure out what happens when he gets involved in
relationships that start legit n end up dissolvin
is it him or is it them?..gat some issues needin resolvement
feels like he's livin in a world that aint revolvin
tryna push it to the limit..slowly evolvin
but every time he feels emotions its p-rob-lem
n he'd be lyin if he said he wasnt feelin em
wasnt missin..wasnt needin em..
by his side...Gad damn his pride....
he's so diff-e-rent from other guys...
he stays tru...calm n loyal..yet under eyes
he's so scared torn n puzzled..trouble underlies
he's unsecure bout certain things it's his demise
with a reputation that exceeds him...filled with lies
but he cant leave em alone..till he finds a queen to seat on his throne
more than just a few weekends alone
speakin of years spent...spring to fall
n a few chicks he met ..yeah they worth it all
but once bitten twice shy...so he rarely commits at all
but he aint a dawg....he just lookin out for him..back against a wall
cuz errytime he gives in..his strengths break em all
but when he's vulnerable..girls shake him off
n yeah he act shady...but he makes it known
n at times he acts prematurely...but he aint fake..he's grown
man of his word..not a follower he holds his own
so if u see him ..dont throw ya stones
hug a nigga ..let him know he aint alone..
he's so gone.............................
November 21 irreplaceablesee i gat a problem
so many chicks been down fa me
n i just seem to let em down ya see
neva cried so many tears inside its drownin me
cuz im chasin ones that aint around fa me
n it hurts me hurtin u...knowin the things i do
make u cry..even i wonder y myself
but im out for the moment tryna find myself
n i'll neva understand how it happens
i flirt n mack em..perhaps when im tired i'll be back in
ya heart..cud pick up from the start
but u must not kno bout me...see i break hearts in-directly
so it's to the left to the left.
when we shud be thinkin to the death to death
but i aint learnin..its like words to the deaf
n by the time i'll want u..u'll be wit someone else
cuz i kno i'm replaceable..unforgetable..untraceable
what u see is what u get..all of me till i take it back
n i feel i'll neva change till time changes that
cud be years days months..y front..be upfront
luv me wit ya mind..spare ya heart the dump
save the drama...imma rollin stone...heart came wit armor
so dont think im bein cruel rude or heartless
it's hard fo me to choose..between flesh n hearts it's
like my flesh lives..n the rest is departed
hope u get the message i imparted'''
if not?..just disregard this..it's hard kid
November 19 lostyeah i admit it..
past few months i been slippin
trippin off my own intuition
an incurable condition...that i've fixed in position
from a fixation with women..
n my addictions grown bigger than it's cure
the little that was pure..dissolved in my flawz
im zipped up..this devil's suit cant come off
n the medication God gave me is wearin off
lost..knowin the consequences of my actions
but jut the thought of satisfaction gat me mackin
wrapped in..trapped in my devices..with no key
it's saw three n i barely realized it
cuz im blinded..by short term pleasure
wit long term measures i endure till im buried
n i'm 5 miles from empty..wit no reserve
i so deserve to die for my lies..my deceit
kept every receipt..a non refundable defeat
n it repeats..evry time a honey's lookin sweet
nice n thick..short n sweet
i know im wrong so i own up...practically raised myself
but so far from grown up..mentality of a winner
generosity at the center...tho fall n fall again
u always help me get up..i'll never understand
there must be a bigger purpose..u really want me to stand
cuz when i give up on me..u still holdin my hand
tho i disappoint u every day...
tho i turn away...
u neva left ..that's y im scared
cuz i mess up anyway...
n thinkin bout drives me insane..is this in vane?
even in pleasure im feelin pain...
cuz i wanna really walk wit u..i got issues..
but i wont change today..let's see this out
to be continued..................... November 14 it's on meonce bitten..twice shy..three times?..forget it
any doubts of bein nice now forget it
learn to live with regrets..mistakes will be made
n the deeper involved u get the stakes will be raised
so many expectations...it's inevitable to fail
life's full of aches n pains...withdrawals n rage
gatta step back ..to gain
try to stay on ya game....
tho experience leads to change..
stay tru to u..only the real remain
kill the doubts ..release the chaains..
turnin over a new leaf...a path free from games
honesty's all i gat...no finger to blame
accept responsibility for all i claim
cuz all i came with..was sin n naked
no instructions what i taught myself..is protect wats sacred
my character..my strengths...my patience
so somewhere i kno i'll make it
whichever road i'll take it...
cuz years down the road..i wanna own my acres
raise my kids...make my paper
see my name highly favoured
from hard work n dedication...
my will's my sedative..my medication
it soothes my burn..releases my tension
takes me away..leaves me suspended
cuz i cant get attached..this curse is so persistent
i'm all i know..ppl cud be so inconsistent
so if i cant stand on my own...hold my position
then let me cease to exist...n free my spirit
it's on me
October 22 namelessi been brushed off..pusshed off..left for dead
forgotten..betrayed..abused..misread
misunderstood...used..and jeered
n it used to hurt...tore my heart to shreds
now i use the hurt..propel myself ahead
into a realm of nice things n wealth
experience helped..i aint the ray they used to seein
changed my mindset reason bein
that tomorrow's too uncertain to hold grudges against human beins
so i suck it up..toughen up
life dont change it 's ways to suit none of us
so i change my ways to suit life
took a while to swallow my pride..but that's life
girls come n go..that's nice
but i'm lookin for a consistent type..that's right
been kicked while i was down...like twice
everytime im goin thru crisis...they get griped
n i dont chase..let em get swiped
cuz i dont need that stress..i luv life
n tho these niggas hate...i'm still fly
still livin like i cant die...knowin i shudda been dead least 5 times
but i'm the only dog wit 9 lives
lookin for a dime to share mine wit
but i end up wit nickels n one time hits
so i gave up on that "mrs. right" tip
most chicks dont want much in life..cept nice kicks
or niggas in nice fits with nice whips
nice job...money nice n long..nice crib
so i rewrite the songs as i get
older n diffrentiate..liabilities n assets
a real lady dont consist of ass n nice tits
she gat class..loyal...n adjusts what life gives
n i kno atleast 2 in my life like this
actually quite a few..tho i let em slip
cuz they came at a time i cudnt handle it
n now i attract the bad bitches...
so i dont holla no more...i ignore
looks dont move me no more..i swear
im lookin behind eyes...she gatta have more than curled hair
cuz most girls aint what they appear
give em 3 months ..u'll see everything clear
when the cuttin up wears off..n the problems interfere
see who was in love..n who loves ya dear
who cud come see u when u hurt..when da world dont care
u aint gatta worry cuz she be right there....
i'd give anything to feel that there...
but bad examples..gat me three times more scared to eva share
eva care...eva stare in pretty eyes
cuz i feel all i'll eva hear is witty lies
cuz they scared..aint prepared for a future
n truth is...love aint greater than fear
love dont love nobody..it's neva seemed fair
but life aint either..deal wit it ..immaturity leads to affairs
n affairs lead to distrust..to disgust...emotional mix ups
n u go from lookin for a good girl..to lookin to get ya dick sucked
haha..cruel world...but it's up to u how it unfurls
how it plays out..complex or laid out
its up to u if u gon stress...or phase out
none-the -less...it fades out...
cuz love n life..is like life n death..it's inevitable..just weigh it out
October 16 ???i'm in too deep..cant choose sides
evrytime i think i gain..i lose stride
it convicts spirit..yet fuels pride
a fool's bribe..n i took it with jewelled eyes
foolish..yet it soothes the same pain it brings
short term pleasure...consequence remains
but i refrain from thinkin bout it till my high's obtained
then i beat myself up for it..cuz it's insane
the same thing that's killin me..cures my burn
i make the same mistakes..im too involved to learn
sacrifice..i want to..but the lures are firm
n they aint budgin..despite how i push n squirm
n i cant handle it alone..but i cant talk about it
so im shut off from the world..dont nobody kno about it
im too ashamed to tell...made for heaven..claimed by hell
maybe the devil's gat me..it's too late to tell
or maybe imma breakthrough waitin to happen..cant say myself
but as i age it aint gettin better..
try to resist..but we end up back together..
im addicted..obsessed..it's too much for me
feels like im bein punished..evrytime i see..
speak..touch ..hear ..im weak
i need clarity...cuz im feelin like i ...
like i...
like i im too "out there" to reach
............................. October 14 suspended animationuh...
scared of what's happening
setback's at evry turn unravelling
parts of me i hate showing...
yet nobody hears my cries..
slient screams...all they see is a smile
my name..ringin in the ears of many
for things i dont deserve credit for
or merit..they love the negative me
the positive? they wont hear it
so y share it...they lovve to see me heartbroken eyes tearin
im starin
in the mirror..not seeing a reflection
just a misconception of my perception
"you dont look like this".."you dont act like that"
they try n put my face to something im not
i cant take it...
so many lowered expectations..
shud i rise above of it?..or provide em comfort
puttin them before me..dont seem intelligent
but puttin me before them makes me selfish doesnt it?
torn between..freedom..n free will
n it's killin me not knowin what tomorrow brings
bad decisions..driven by lavish livin
flesh influenced...death n ruin..is all it leads to
but i love it
so what do i do this is so confusing
i try to tell the devil to shove. it.change my life
then next minute..im tryna covet my neighbour's wife?
what's the aim of life...in this game of life
i need a cheat code..feel like im goin thru each stages twice
n im scared to fail..to die of gunshots...die of AIDS
from one minute of mistakes..a whole life taken away
Lord take me before i stray..i pray...
what's the use...feel like i wont gain
no matter how much i obtain..attain..my stains remain
n perfection aint in my veins
n protection cant keep me safe
no gun no rubber no knife no way
of me avoidin my fate...
my face..shows all i feel
expressions express my real's
ordeals..my ups my downs
show me my kingdom..before i lose my crown
my ground..im wounded now
i dont kno how to trust..love?dont exist
m the few times i do..they dont assist
another door closed..another burnt bridge
n i'm colder than a fridge..
angel till i die..soldier while i live
but it's hard..please show me away
the worlds a maze..
n it s seemin death's the only escape
so till the signs come ..i'll keep holdin the faith
per say
October 07 detoxminutes turn hours turn days..
n i aint pickin up the phone this time
see i'm..
feelin not so in the mood for u
somewhere we grew...
somewhere we knew..we grew apart
n i been tryin hard not to get bored
but...i cant help..cuz see normally im selfish
but what i thought i was in made me more selfless
helpless..n u'd take advantage of my smile
my style..of not pullin scenes ..stayin calm on trial
n evry little thing..evry word gets thrown back
yet i press thru the negative..hopin for positive feed back
but your so jealous..n truly..i dont need that
so i sit here...thinkin of my imperfections
my immaturity..tryna measure up to what u want from me
but i cant..cuz u expect nothin..
u expect me to mess up to cover up your problems
n ive become so intoxicated by your presence
that im actin unconsciously the feelin is overwhelmin
it's hurtin me...but this torture feels so good
tryna see if i cud make a fire with no wood
u drainin me...cuz im givin givin ..n u barely entertainin me
it's makin me sick..i gat a hangover just thinkin of ya kiss
of ya smile..all the while not realizin...u killin me slowly
n i aint even noticed
but the time without u is allowin me to sober
i may be out till november
but we'll end before october
i gave u my all..neva lied neva cheated
but now i keep my distance
due to irreconcilable difference-s
mixed up with...alotta luggage from unhealthy relat-ion-ships
n i aint the type to chase ya...
so before it goes all bad..just let me take the time to say that
i took u for ya good n for ya bad
but u wont realize somethin good till it aint there to grab
gatta air it out...
there;s aloota good ones out there ma..next time take the time to hear em out
October 05 trippinit's overwhelmin..im self consumed
nowhere seems like home
my gift my curse...ppl only kno my face
my fate?..no one relates
my faith?..fading every breath i take
i'm becomin evrything i hate
tho evrything seems great...it aint
my joy's overtook by pain
my reign..is rain..darkness..but i cant complain
cuz i've hardened..made scars from stains
now it's harder just to sustain
stay sane..press on..to gain
but gain what?..what i want seems unattained
what i need is an ear or shoulder
cuz i gat tears neva cried while sober
and really there's no one to blame
so many ways to change..but i cant maintain
i fall back from where i came
n with all that..u think i'd change
but im caught up in my games
my vices...any time there's crisis
im back in my corner...attackin who wants ta
help but they dont kno who dey dealin wit
see i'mma genius..n it hurts bein manipulative
but it soothes the burn....
cuz my emotions get the best of me..i refuse to learn
so i'll be damned till i lose my firm
grip on what reality is...
or till reality loses me ....ha
September 24 just a reminderdont eva know what u gat till its gone
it dont eva feel right till its wrong
n tho it aint what u want u move on
and that's when they dont like the response
after u tried to fight so long
thinkin nuthin cud break such a tightened bond
n in ya eyes feels like they the one
till u drop ya guards when they drop the bomb
so im like...preserve self first
nobody can love u like u...then other ties might work
dont be a fool for nobody..
cuz love dont love nobody
try ya best to let it grow...
n if it dont try ya best to let it go
cuz life aint a friend or foe
the consequences cud leave u bent or broke
ppl come n go...realize the truth
branches might break..keep the trunks n roots
stay up....u'll only grow stronger
learn to live without regrets
n feel pain no longer
cuz it aint till ya far apart..till the heart grows fonder
July 10 untitledMay 28 plzdont mis-read my signs
i mean..i dont wanna lead u on..but das just me sometimes
i say thingz to get what i want..
so before u get too deep lemme put da brakes on
i dont wanna hurt u..u nice and all
but i was only interested in one night..thats all
so what i liked dissolved..da minute ya clothes came off
plz dont make this hard..i dont wanna be blamed at fault
cuz tho u want us to be..we aint involved
so let me be..we cud be friends from a distance
cuz i cant look u in ya eyes..it'll trigger my guilt n i
gat a problem with my built in pride
so gimme space..matter fact gimme da whole nine
see ya feelinz untamed..i can control mine
flick em on n off...hope is lost
hope u dont hate me...but this cant go on
this is me time...tryna re-cline
n figure what i want ...sweet lies
i didnt mean to
so just let me fade to black...i aint king enuff to queen u
actually i am..but i'm just tryna make it easier to breeze thru
sorry sorry sorry sorry................. minedayz end the same way..cold beds n heart aches
tho i learned to set apart the fakes
all da real ones taken..n i'm only foolin masef
tryna break up sumthin so sacred
tho dey like my style smile n conversations
there's more to me than what we make it
n i aint bitchin but..i gatta mention it
i'm slippin into a place where a conscience aint welcomed in
n i'd lie if i said i aint felt um
but damn...enuffs enuff ..settlin aint helpin
n lookin fa it leads to infatuation
so i'm chillin..killin myself with a alcohol n weed fascination
prayin for a time
when im sent someone who gonna be all mine
at all times...rain or shine
sumtin oh so divine
tired of bein shared..spared n compared
tired of countless affairs
cuz when i look around at my peers
makes me realize...i've wasted so many years
so many gorgeous's cutie's n jungalists
i cant remember em all..n i dont wanna live like this
so i guess i'mma chill for my own health
n pray dat God dont send me someone elses angels
just a reflection of myself...
May 14 kingcheaa..my rendition ..defies tradition..it's the conscious ray
born in a bastard's state..raised as a basket case
at an early age..i mastered fate...
learned as i grew..how to rope a dope..i'm da 06 cascious clay
or a young black marvin gaye...hungry for more nigga pass da plate
i gat too much to taste before my caskets laced
wit roses.in dust i'm placed.n my ashes fade
on my back's the weight
of every expectation..my family holds n my own forte`
tryna carry on for my niggaz who passed away
n those who seem to flash the hate..i dont pass they way
He will make u ruler over many..just sit back n wait
keep ya shyt in tact im str8..cuz i didnt just ask i prayed
n mom took me back to that saturday
when that olive oil touched my forehead n i was branded great
a joshua..or so wud the doctrine's say
pastor looked me dead in the eye.."boy u fortune-ate"
from mayo n bread..to lobster ,steak
n still on da level..this is a role i was born to play
dont judge me by what i have..u dont kno how i got it
judge me by what most have forgotten
only what ya do fa God will last...
tattooed a crown cross da arm to keep me alarmed of dat
tho i sin..yeah i fall.im fulla imperfect things
but trials aint just made me a man..frig it made me a king
i've paid my costs..earned my throne
i wear a crown to show dat im royal breed..so to each his own
it's eitha luv me or leave me alone
April 26 (i dont like this one)it's been bout three years now
i'm thinkin back..how we met
how'd we get so apart..ever think of that?
when i payed u no attention
yet u wanted my time...
wastin not a minute ..not a second..tho i stayed on the grind
n how u grew on me..i gave in over time
then some where we got caged in and caved in till it died
then ya second chance was denied..
cuz the second u realized how foolish u'd been..i was caught in my pride
n every now n then i'd often remind..
myself of what cudda been n brush it off with a smile
cuz u was jealous of a friend..who was before ya time
yall used to be friends..now yall on opposin sides
but these were our chosen strides
as far from each other as our souls divide
uh
these were golden
when it was real n we'd show it
wish i cud freeze in these moments
what i needed n wanted
but really it wasnt..what we believed was becomin
n i bleed thinkin of it cuz i cudnt see it comin
but reality is
it is what it is
forget n regret
live n forgive
n just when i thot i cudnt
i'd run into a woman..
who was physically perfection
smoked drinked n good with cookin
was feelin her from the start didnt wanna be mistooken
it was good while we was happy..till little things got overlooked n
we started overdoin..n forgot what we were doin
n before u know..such a beautiful thing got ruined
n i dont think i eva really got thru this
cuz i was so attached..n she was too hurt to even notice
n i wudnt even show it...
n time patched us fine cuz we was cool before u kno it
but cud no longer see us growin
n that's just sumtin i had to grow wit
n she da reason y i wrote my first poem
first time it felt so different....
so sorry it still isnt
but dont worry i'm still livin
cuz i neva fully healed
but my lips are fully sealed
happy that u happy
stay beautiful n real
but reality is
i'll always wonder what if wit u
even if u aint missin dude
i still wish da greatest gifts fa u
tru
last but not least...
let my guard down too fast..so to speak
found myself movin too fast
coverin a month of convo's in a week
next thing i kno...i'm in her home tryna put hickies on her cheeks
n it was fun...till a couple of months passed
couple weeks a arguments ..relationship crashed
i cudnt move...she wudnt lose
so she replaced me..the second i snoozed
cool..i brush it off ..thoughts i keep to myself
then bad evolves to worst..now it seems someone else
has done what i used to...it was a dagger at the time
but after time ya get used to
aint like i aint seen it before..jus wasnt expectin
someone i wud do anything for..to go n disrespect me
tried to hang on..shut out n let go
but i cudnt right then..but time wud show me
no matter how deep the knife..life keeps goin
u all took the last tears in me
cuz it wasnt how it appeared to be
preparin me..so many tempers flare in me
but reality is
what's done is done
live n learn..cud only fool me once
n i cant take back time
u'd all forever have a part of my heart
just not my mind...
Since u leftSince u left me..i've had my ups n downs
missin u every minute no one else is around
gat ya picture on my bureau wishin u'd call
reminiscin how u'd always pitch in whenever i'd fall
when i'm hurt u cry for me...
the only woman on Earth i'm sure wud die for me
fight for me...even tho we distant
n another man's fillin his position
we gat a different kinda love that dont fade over distance
this here's a life long bond
das y its hard tryna make it when u miles from home
jus thinkin bout u makes me smile
n u kno i aint too expressive but u accept my style
u take me as i am..sorta made me who i am
n i just wanna make u proud..
n do things for u now...
so i'mma hustle harder...
get u dat house by da lake
n that new impala
for keepin da faith in me
even when we have our differences i see
there's only few women in my puzzle..n u the biggest piece
n imma be da man u wanted for once
cuz u deserve to be treated like number one
cuz nothin in this world is like what we have
a bond between mother n son
missin my mommy.. April 09 tho i sintho i sin..
u still lookin out fa me
da only one who aint doubtin me
tho i sin
i try to utilize ya works
just becuz u realized my worth
cuz at any given time da perk's
cud drive a nigga's mind bezerk
n i felt so deprived since birth
now i'm tryna free myself of this curse
tho i sin
u understand me completely
n when i'm down u da one who wont leave me
when everyone around deletes me
tho i sin
with all these thorns in my flesh
u still doin for me what u think's best
tho i sin
i know it hurts u
my imperfections are tough to work thru
so many vices not enough of virtues
so many fake..not enough tell truths
tho i sin
i still beg your pardon
pray u wont let me harden
tho i sin
i pray u wont let me give in
keep me driven till i art in heaven
cuz it's hard just livin
n i cant seem to stop my sinnin
drop my women..not get wit em
drop the bottle n da backwood wat's in em
that gat me so spinnin
tho i sin
u kno i try..i just dont kno why
but before i die...i'mma fully give u my life
tho i sin
......................
April 06 sucka fa luv"what u wont doooooo...for luv
u tried evrything..but u dont give up"
on a constant basis it's
seemin u only dreamin..cuz u in & out relationships
searchin fa realness..yet ya efforts is wasted
cuz u givin ya all n dey just aint reciprocatin
put yaself in a serious position
a heart break away from hatred..n u facin it
so u replace wit...selfish intentions
to keep yaself from achin
but i say love is what u make it
tho we cant see it when we in it
cuz we blinded by temptation
n den u wonder y u buggin
cuz u goin on a new trip..draggin old luggage
from da previous person dat showed u nuthin
n ya whole perceptions been disconnected
n intercepted by visions of who u sexin
drivin into da flesh now it's harder to switch directions
n u feelin withdrawn becuz of ya imperfections
so many paths..yet u caught at an intersection
n instead of followin ya heart..hard headed u missed ya blessin
but u aint da only one stuck in da mudd
face it..we all suckaz fa luv
"wat u wont doooo...for luv
u tried evrything but u dont give up"
thinkin back...on dese desperate days
what was said ..fore we went our seperate wayz
n now ya scarred...cuz it was tru but ya left in vain
it went too far...tho u knew u just let it go
n now its hard...to get back what u thought was yours
n as time goes...u just want it more
nobody knows....cuz it's hidden beneath a smile
when deep inside..ya body burns when u realize
that now its gone...
n da pain cuz it hurts like hell
when u see da one u want
wantin someone else...caused it yaself
but dere aint no-one to really blame
it's just a game..play n hope dat dey feel da same
da real remain...suckaz fa luv
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